A Lovely Month..

Yesterday it was one month since we got engaged! London seems soooo far away though, I can't really believe it's only a month! This feels so right, so good and so like we've known each other since always. Like I've said before, I know some people think we're moving fast, but this is it. I've searched for Anders for 29 years and now that I've found him--there's no time to loose! I want to enjoy every single day we get together and even though I had slept too little and worked 12 hours yesterday, we still met up for dinner after work. We went to Texas Longhorn on Fleminggatan, a rather small, but very nice place. I was starving since I had adjusted lunch to be able to enjoy the dinner instead, but Anders had insisted that he wanted 5 potatoes with his meatballs, so he wasn't really starving... =) We ordered nachos with guacamole and melted cheddar for starters and then we both ordered rib-eye steak with fries for main course, I got the 200 grams, which was named "Ladies" in the menu and Anders therefor insisted that he HAD to order the 300 grams called "Beltbuster" instead... =) It was also served with a green salad with an amazing dressing and half a corncob, I couldn't get mine down though. The food was great and such a lovely atmosphere!
Then we walked to the subway and we started talking about where to live. I mean, I was brought up out in the countryside on a big yard with lots of horses, running barefoot in the grass and having the forest right outside my window and THAT is an amazing childhood! I always thought so and still do. But, I LOVE Stockholm! I moved in to the city when I was 17 years old, when we moved to Borås. I thought I'd never be able to sleep again because of all the noise! Now I almost crave the humming sound of a distant free-way to be able to sleep at all... I love the lights at night, the old buildings, the small inner-yards you can see when you walk through some areas, in Stockholm I'm infatuated with Old Town--it's absolutely wonderful! And the water... Always present in Stockholm, and one of many things that make it, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
So, I'm torn. I was so sure that I wanted to live out in the countryside and that if I ever had kids, they would have the same privileged childhood I had. But you can't re-create a life, it won't ever be the same. And one thing I do know: if I can't give them the same perfect childhood I had, with the yard and the animals--then I don't wanna live in the countryside at all.

I guess you could say I want it all and right now I more than a little torn in the matter... But it sounds so sweet when Tim sings about it...

Enter Sandman...

The nightmares seem to be making an unwanted comeback... Had them two nights in a row now, no fun at all...
They all seem to be about me feeling like I'm not in control and dealing with some of my real fears. The night before last, I dreamt I was out in a cabin in the deepest forest and it was winter, the snow was thick and difficult to walk in. I was there with a colleague of mine, when all of a sudden a see a furious bear head towards us through the snow and I knew we had to get inside and shut doors and windows. My colleague comes riding on a horse, but it slips on the muddy road and goes down, leaving my colleague on her knees crying. I get over to them and drag them both inside, the bear closing in on us with every second. I slam the front door in the last second and start to run around to close up everything else... Always one more window or door left to close and I start to panic. I've had this dream before in other scenarios, but always needing to shut one more door or window to be safe...

Last night I had two nightmares and in the end I just gave up and got up instead.
First I dreamt that I was out walking with a horse that I had, when all of a sudden a raging pitbull comes charging out of the forest and attacks us! It sinks its teeth into the horse's flesh and draws up deep wounds and then disappears. I'm left with the injured and bleeding horse and no means to tend to its wounds but trying to cover them with my hands to stop the bleeding. A horrible feeling that I think originates in my real worries when I'm out waking the dogs, there are so many people unleashing dogs that they can't really control and it makes me very nervous when I meet them. Or just stupid people who let their dogs walk up to mine in a leash, making me jump out of the way to avoid contact. Yoggi doesn't like other dogs very much since he was attacked as a puppy and I respect that. I don't like strangers up in my face either! But some people don't understand how dogs work and that creates a lot of problems.

The other dream was also one I've had before, where I get a child and don't connect to it at all, rather detesting it and forgetting it everywhere. Once I dreamt I forgot it under a jacket in the back-seat of the car and last night on a trailer. When I finally found her and picked her up, she was replaced by a doll! I totally panicked and woke startled.
Dreaming about having kids and not loving them is a reoccurring dream of mine, maybe it just means that I'm not ready to have kids, maybe I'll never be. I'm not very found of them, except my friends' kids, and I can't stand the crying, whining and screaming they seem to do constantly. So maybe I'll never have kids and maybe that's what my dreams are trying to tell me is the right decision?...

It's the Small Things...

...that can really make or break you. Today I'm on a high! Partly because I've gotten a good night's sleep and partly because I've been out on my first jog/walk in over a week, partly because I love my new shower-gel and lotion from Body Shop (Pink Grapefruit) and partly thanks to Mark Salling (Noah Puckerman in Glee)... So, nothing extraordinary, just everyday life and it's moments.

I smell FANTASTIC! =)

Yum!

Mark Salling is H O T and I love his voice and mohican!

Nobody's Gonna Rain on My Parade...

...or in this case: wedding... I realized I knew the perfect song to go with yesterday's piece so here she is once again, the one and only: Lea Michele!

The Soundtrack of Packing...

In the middle of all the packing and for those of you who know me--you can see the chaos... =) But ms. Doolittle makes it a lot more fun!

Here's To Us!

I need to finish this day with some kind of celebration, a toast to all the beautiful people out there and what better way to do that than with a song with the most talented person I've ever seen or heard: Ms Lea Michele from the amazing cast of Glee?

So, Here's To Us!

So I Say Thank You For the Music...

There is one thing that can put me in a certain mood no matter what and that is music! I listen to many different types of music, but there are songs that make my playlist over and over through the years and I will give you some of my absolute favorites! These songs get my spirit high no matter how I feel and they make me push myself harder, walking or running...

Sandi Thom:
-What if I'm Right?
-Mirrors
-Success's Ladder

Alanis Morrissette:
-So Pure

Amy Studt:
-Misfit
-Ladder in my Tights

Beyoncé:
-Irreplaceable
-Upgrade U

Britney Spears:
-Until the World Ends
-Outrageous

Christina Aguilera:
-Fighter
-Can't Hold Us Back
-Dirty

Eminem:
-Like Toy Soldiers
-Not Afraid
-Lose Yourself
-Sing for the Moment

J. Lo:
-All I Have

Jewel:
-Deep Water
-Hands
-Stronger Woman
-I Do

Johnny Logan:
-The Irish Rover

Nelly:
-My Place
-N' Dey Say
-Heart of a Champion
-U Ain't Him
-Warrior
-One & Only
-Shake Ya Tailfeather

Paul Simon:
-Graceland
-You Can Call Me Al

Pink:
-F**king Perfect
-Raise Your Glass
-Heartbreak Down

Robbie Williams:
-Hot Fudge
-Shame

Tina Turner:
-Private Dancer
-What You Get is What You See
-We Don't Need Another Hero

Taylor Swift:
-Speak Now
-Mean
-Better Than Revenge
-Long Live

So there you go--please give them a listen and see if you agree! Please tell me what's in your ears when you're working out!