söndag 13 maj 2012

Enter Sandman...

The nightmares seem to be making an unwanted comeback... Had them two nights in a row now, no fun at all...
They all seem to be about me feeling like I'm not in control and dealing with some of my real fears. The night before last, I dreamt I was out in a cabin in the deepest forest and it was winter, the snow was thick and difficult to walk in. I was there with a colleague of mine, when all of a sudden a see a furious bear head towards us through the snow and I knew we had to get inside and shut doors and windows. My colleague comes riding on a horse, but it slips on the muddy road and goes down, leaving my colleague on her knees crying. I get over to them and drag them both inside, the bear closing in on us with every second. I slam the front door in the last second and start to run around to close up everything else... Always one more window or door left to close and I start to panic. I've had this dream before in other scenarios, but always needing to shut one more door or window to be safe...

Last night I had two nightmares and in the end I just gave up and got up instead.
First I dreamt that I was out walking with a horse that I had, when all of a sudden a raging pitbull comes charging out of the forest and attacks us! It sinks its teeth into the horse's flesh and draws up deep wounds and then disappears. I'm left with the injured and bleeding horse and no means to tend to its wounds but trying to cover them with my hands to stop the bleeding. A horrible feeling that I think originates in my real worries when I'm out waking the dogs, there are so many people unleashing dogs that they can't really control and it makes me very nervous when I meet them. Or just stupid people who let their dogs walk up to mine in a leash, making me jump out of the way to avoid contact. Yoggi doesn't like other dogs very much since he was attacked as a puppy and I respect that. I don't like strangers up in my face either! But some people don't understand how dogs work and that creates a lot of problems.

The other dream was also one I've had before, where I get a child and don't connect to it at all, rather detesting it and forgetting it everywhere. Once I dreamt I forgot it under a jacket in the back-seat of the car and last night on a trailer. When I finally found her and picked her up, she was replaced by a doll! I totally panicked and woke startled.
Dreaming about having kids and not loving them is a reoccurring dream of mine, maybe it just means that I'm not ready to have kids, maybe I'll never be. I'm not very found of them, except my friends' kids, and I can't stand the crying, whining and screaming they seem to do constantly. So maybe I'll never have kids and maybe that's what my dreams are trying to tell me is the right decision?...


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