Plans Are A-Changing...

Dad is ill, perhaps worse than we had imagined. The doctors talk about lymphoma, a sort of blood-cancer... He had cancer two years ago, in his colon. They removed parts of it and gave him cytotoxin, which may be what has caused this type of cancer that they suspect now.
It's all too raw and horrible to talk about right now, but one thing's for sure: I'll be by his side through it all. And the plans we've made may have to change.

So maybe the spring-wedding will be an autumn-wedding instead and maybe some things will happen sooner than expected. The only thing that matters is Dad and keeping him alive and well, no matter what the cost. And I think he needs good things to look forward to and something to keep him focused on fighting this horrible disease with everything that he's got and we'll stand fighting by his side. We're a family now and with our love and the power of faith between us all -- how can we not be victorious?...

Not so bad, huh?...

I'm more of an autumn-person anyways! =) 

Picture from the site Smaskiga Bakverk, just click it to go there!

These Are the Days That Go By...

This was the worst weekend ever! I worked and it was nothing but pure HELL! Don't even wanna recall it, just put it past me and hope one like it never comes around.

Today I've been busy trying to fix things, Anders did a good job cleaning up the apartment this Saturday but there's still a lot to do. I ordered new shoes from Sportamore, Wmns Nike Lunarglide +3, black with turquoise brands in a size 10. I hope they've got them in store and that they send them asap! I long to get out and try my "new feet"... =)
Dad came by and we put up the new shelf in the hall and some paintings and pictures, and blinds for the kitchen. So, I'm very happy!
After that we went down to the lake and had a small bbq, the dogs mostly watched the ducks that swam by though.

Tomorrow we're having friends and Dad over for Yoggi's birthday-dinner, I'm making a warm smörgåstårta and some sort of non-alcoholic punch and then some dessert, not sure what yet.

I've also decided to have Lily of the Valleys in my bridal-bouquet, together with some powder-lilac/blue flowers. They were my Granny's favorite flowers, along with orchids, and they smell WONDERFUL!
I've almost decided to go with a powder lilac and a light green as "theme-colours" for the wedding... So many decisions, so little time... A little more than a year to go... =)

I wish you could smell them!!!

It's Gonna Be a Wet Wedding...

It's hopeless! I'm gonna have to a have a totally silent wedding and I won't be able to wear any makeup... Just watched and episode of Grey's Anatomy where a couple get married and I cried so much I think the couch needs to hang out to dry...
So, is there such a ceremony? Where no one speaks, where I don't have to say anything and no one notices that I'm not wearing any makeup? I've never heard of it, but maybe someone out there has?

See, I cry. I cry to the Lionking, to Notting Hill, to Animal Planet. I cry when I'm fantastically happy, like when Anders proposed. I cry when I'm hysterically sad, like when Granny died. I cry when I'm angry, like when bad things happen to good people. I cry -- full stop. And you can think that makes me a weak person or whatever, I think the opposite. I think I'm a better person for feeling, I think it makes me try harder and stand stronger, but that's just what I think.

I grew up with two emotionally crippled parents and I don't wanna be like that when my time comes. I will NEVER use silent treatment or cut my children off, letting them think I don't care anymore. Refusing to cry in front of them, refusing to show emotions and letting them think that maybe that's the way it should be. Like I did.

So, a quiet wedding, without makeup, that's my plan... Who's with me? No one?... Hmmm...

Maybe not all tears are bad or a sign of weakness?

The Fast and The...?

So, I knew it beforehand really, but still it bothers me a bit. That some people can't be really, truly happy for others and though I know it's their loss --it still bothers me. And what bugs me the most is that I get so affected by it, that I start to think that maybe some of the ones that don't say that stuff out loud--they think it to!
"Wow, that's fast!"
 Yes, I know it is, but I also know that it's right. Anders is the One, he couldn't possibly be more right! He's the Fred Astaire to my Ginger Rogers , he's the Rhett Butler to my Scarlet O'Hara, he's the Tarzan to my Jane and we finish each other's sentences, we move in the same flow and with him I feel complete and ready to take on the world. What more do I need to know? So what we've only known each other for a little more than 6 months? We could be together for 20 years, get married and still end up miserable. I don't believe time is an issue, at least not in this case. But I still feel a slight sting when I realize that people think we're moving to fast, especially when it comes from someone close...
Well, if anything -- we'll prove them wrong! Our love will prove them wrong in the end and that's all that matters. I believe in us and I don't need anybody's approval this time.

I'm getting married in 13 months and I intend to enjoy every single step towards my wedding, to really throw myself head-first in to all the tiny details, change my mind -- just to change it back again some days later. Try too many kinds of wedding-cakes, try on too many wedding-dresses, think and re-think the color of the flower-arrangements, glue myself to the first draft of invitations, make my first scrap-book about planning this wonderful event, make mistakes and get upset, probably a thousand times over.

Because I'm only doing this once. Because that's what forever means.

Anybody got a problem with that?...