Splash!

It's done! First public bath yesterday and I really liked it! Not the exposing part, but first the sitting and talking in the jacuzzi and then the swimming. Now I know I can do it and start planning for it, so we decided that our goal should be 1 kilometer each time. The boys took a sauna afterwards, but since I'm no big fan of extreme heat, I just went and got ready instead.
We were in Mexico last winter and the pool at the hotel was icy cold, it was awful! No matter how long one stayed in, it was still freezing! So we preferred the ocean, much warmer, and very salty! =) I dreaded the walks to the water there as well, but somehow it's not as bad when I'm abroad... Very strange...

These wonderful creatures also made it easier to get in the water! 

Reboot System...

First fail, erase and rewind, no reason to dwell over it and beat myself up about it. Just move on and try again.

So, here it goes:

Weight: 106,3 kg (234,35 lbs)

Measures:

*Chest: 119 cm (46,8 in)
*Waist: 99 cm (38,9 in)
*"Tummy": 116 cm (45,6 in)
*Butt: 124 cm (48,8 in) -- Bring it on Kardashian! =)
*Thighs: 77 cm (30,3 in)
*Calves: 44 cm (17,3 in)
*Overarms: 40 cm (15,7 in)
*Underarms: 31 cm (12,2 in)

There it is, no more, no less. It's a start and wise from experience, I'm not gonna give you my goals yet. I'll give the first week a silent start... I'll try to keep the carbs to a minimum, but I'll never ever be one of those girls who sacrifice everything for my weight, not even short-term. It's just not who I am and you're all free to think whatever you want about that, but keep it to yourselves. Before you comment, think carefully if I'll gain from it or not, I don't need any pressure just yet. I promise to holler from the rooftops when I do, ok? =)

Tonight we're going swimming with a wonderful colleague of mine, who's kind of in the same position as I am, but he is doing GREAT! I'm so impressed by him and mostly his self-control, I've got none of that! It'll be great fun but it's also my worst nightmare. Bikinis were never my thing.
Long story short: I was chubby as a kid and pretty badly bullied (more about that another time) and when I was 12 I started to feel really bad about myself. So, I detested going to the beach and such, basically I just didn't go. But then we were supposed to go swimming at school and to make matters even worse: we were going together with the other class... Since I really hated it I tried to worm my way out and I've always been taught to trust in grown-ups, so I tried to tell my teacher in a really low voice how I felt about it. Maybe he didn't hear me that well, but his reaction was this: he laughed out loud and said (loud and clear to all the kids): "What's the matter, can't you swim?!?" After that, I didn't go to the beach or bath in public for about 15 years. I'm not kidding. 15 years. It has also made me hate summers, and this even though I was not even overweight until I was 26. But that incident all those years ago has stuck with me and it's still as clear as ever.

So, I hate it, I don't really want anyone to see me in a bikini or swim-suit, not even Anders. But, all means to and end, right? Maybe I'll get my revenge next summer, strutting my stuff on a beach somewhere? I'd really, really like that... If not for myself, then for that poor little scared 12 year old that was laughed at by teachers and classmates. I owe her a lot. She got me here, and as badly as I feel about my weight, I'm glad she didn't give up and end it all. She just as well could have.
So, I'm doing this for her, and all other girls out there who suffer people's idiocy every day.

If you only think about one important thing today, please make it this: words hurt. Deeper than you ever could guess.

Finishing off in a happier mode: I've worked all week-end and "my" guards did a great job! They were fantastic and that makes my job a lot easier. So, yesterday I brought them cookies and cup-cakes to show my appreciation, nothing fancy, just cookies. I gave them to their boss and asked him to tell them how great I thought they'd done.
In the afternoon one of the guards asked me to come to where we hand out the keys and when I looked in to the cabinet, I saw the most beautiful bouquet of flowers! He pointed at me and smiled and left... I got flowers for doing a good job, when all I really wanted was to let them know how great THEY were. My eyes watered up in an instant and I was really sentimental and wicked proud for the rest of the day!

So beautiful!

Run For Life!

Yesterday I ran my kilometer since October!!! I know 1 kilometer isn't much, but it's a good start for me. So, the plan is 1 kilometer every other day, at least 3 times a week until the beginning of March. Then I'll do 2 kilometers throughout March and so on. Yesterday I completed it in about 8 mins, which is not good, but it's a start! I've got lots of great explanations as to why it's that bad--but I don't wanna be a sore looser... =)
What feels great though is that my thigh-muscles strain quite a bit, so I've done something right! =)

Time To Get Ahead!

What a wonderful week-end! It's been very cold, but since none of us has taken a chilly bath this week, it's all good!

Yesterday we planned a serious trip to a lake, made sandwiches and hot cocoa, bought Danish "semlor" and dressed the dogs in their overalls and got in the car.

After a short drive I realized the road was almost all ice and people  hit the ditches all over, so we turned back home and walked for a bit there instead.
In the evening we went to the movies (our first together...) and saw Hamilton with dad, who likes Guillou's books--so there was a slight chance that he might actually like this movie... No such luck! I didn't like it that much either--but I LOVE going to the movies!
Today we got up early, because we were supposed to hand the dogs in for trimming at 10. While they got stylish, we hit Old Town, had a very expensive pot of tea and just enjoyed being together.

The coming week it's time to get back on track, both with exercise and food... Not an easy task! Especially not since this is my tough week--5 days á 12 hours. But for next week (07) we've decided to try one of those ready-made food-bags that are so in style right now here in Stockholm! It'll hopefully give some inspiration for new recipes and make our dining a little easier, we'll try it out in my easy week. So the menu from varmiddag.com for next week will look like this:
*Risotto with crayfish and fennel
*Cannelloni with spinach and ham
*Roasted pork with onion sauce
*Chicken-stew with paprika and apple
I'm extremely fastidious with my food and seldom try new things, actually I never try new things unless I'm having dinner at a friends house or so... So it'll be a good experience for me and hey! I might even like some of it...

Then I have to get started on Johan's training-schedule and get my ass out running!!! Like it or not...

Have a great week!!!

Sad Thursday, But Gearing Up for Fantastic Week-End!

We lost! So sad, when Anders was there and everything. But Djurgården didn't play well at all and the score speaks for itself, 1-4 is NOT okay. They didn't even try and only the players can change the game.
And to think I got up at 4:40 this morning to get in earlier to work so I could leave in time to se the game... =(

Still love you guys!

But tomorrow I'll sleep until noon and do nothing all day! Until Anders quits work and we're going to the movies with dad, very nice! Saturday we've got no plans (lovely!) and on Sunday we're to leave the dogs at Hundens Hus for trimming and some quality time in Old Town, SF Bookshop and some cozy coffeehouse, just being together.

I'll write better tomorrow, too tired to even think right now...